My tips to boost Indian Economy

Someone once said " Statistics are like a Bikini..What they reveal is suggestive...What they conceal is vital".If thats the case,then what do we call Economics?
I am a regular reader of Swaminathan S Anklesaria Aiyar who writes in the Times of India on Sunday.But this week after reading his post,I felt that I too have a economist in me.
First a brief about Mr Aiyar's post.According to him,there are 1 trillion beedis smoked in India and the comparitive figure is just 106 billion cigarettes.So taxes on cigarettes leave out 90% of Indian smokers.Equalising the tax on beedi with that of non filter micro filter cigarettes can give the government Rs.15,000 crores a year.And if it is equated with that of standard filter cigarettes,the potential revenue through tax is a whopping Rs80,000 crores.Isnt that wonderful?
So I also found wonderful ways to increase the tax revenues.
1.According to the FAO,more than 1 billion people go hungry in the world.i.e 1 in 6 people.
( Definition of Hungry is receiving less than 1800 calories a day).
So the Government must levy a "Gym tax.ie a special tax on those people who exercise and join the gym to lose calories.How can they just escape eating more calories and burn them off unproductively when there are thousands starving outside?
2.As per records,Indian population is around 104 crores.And this is increasing at 1.578% per annum.The exploding population is putting great pressure on resources like water,health,education etc.So the government should introduce a "Birth Licence Tax".ie for every couple ( or lady as single parents are quite common) decides to have a baby,they should obtain a baby licence.Assuming Rs 100 per baby and the population growth of 1.578%,this leads to a revenue of Rs164 crores.Isnt that amount significant? But not to forget,they should reward those who use condoms ( those deshbakth who care for the nations growing population menace).
3.Tax on cell phones: while the telecom companies proudly announce the millions that they have added to the cellular base,the government should impose a "Health Tax" on each cell phone sold.
Like Cyrus and Kunal in "99" idhar ( ears) rakhega to brain khatam,udhar ( shirt pocket) rakhega tho heart khatam and ( trouser pocket) rakhega tho generation khatam.The government who is concerned about its citizens and aam aadmi should introduce this tax for the wellbeing of its precious ASSet and of course swell its coffers.
4.In the same vein,the government should reduce tax on liquor.Increasing taxes will force people to move to hooch and bad quality liquor and die quickly.The government should ensure that their citizens live happily and merrily oblivious to the global recession,misery and poverty that surrounds them.So isnt it the governments responsibility to provide good quality liquor to its citizens.I strongly argue that government should ensure good quality but reasonably priced liquor through the Public Distribution System ( PDS).
P.S: Those arguing for prudent measures in times of recession might argue that Men should stop wearing Underwear.After all ,no one notices if a guy is wearing one and their branded designer denims or blackberry or koutons is enough to give the required protection.(I read this on a famous blogsite)
Dont worry,I dont subscribe to this argument and I have my inventory of Chaddis ( dont mistake me..I am pro valentines day..so i didnt get any pink chaddi from anyone).